My Abuse led me to Christ for Salvation ~Listen here to audio version~

This is my story of how i come to Christ for salvation.
When i turned to God i never really knew anything about God, or the bible. I had no idea what a Christian was, or what a Christian church was. How i ever got to this point in my faith, still mystifies me. It was trial and plenty of error. One of the reasons i wrote this all out, was, i had to go back into my life and try to find out where and why everything went so wrong. .

My testimony is that of a saved homosexual. Saved by the Grace of God in this the dispensation of the Grace of God. Ephesians 2:8,9, Ephesians 3:2. My sexual and physical abuse led me to become homosexual, which led me to much mental torment.

I am not a "Gay Christian", so do not confuse this testimony as those who call themselves a "Gay Christian", who have not had a change of mind - "repentance". I am a Christian, with a gay past, and since we keep our old nature, after salvation, i still struggle with gay lust, much to my disappointment. Neither can i give an ex gay testimony. I would rather talk about what Jesus did for me on the cross, then talk about what i did for Jesus, which would be nothing but "filthy rags", anyway.

I had lived most of my life as a homosexual.

I have never admitted to my family and friends that i was homosexual. I lived mostly in the "closet", and sorry to say, i still live behind a locked closet door, today, as a Christian, because of my past. I "fear" that i would not "survive" very long, if my family, and few friends, knew of my past. So, why do i have this channel, telling you about my life...because it is hard to find "Truth" in Christianity, today

I am a little critical of Christianity, today. You may understand why, later. (Click Pt 2 above)

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Was i born a homosexual?

I don't believe so, cause i think, molestation at 8 years old, which caused me to masturbate pretty early in life, (because it felt good), may of had something to do with my turning homosexual. I would also like to add that i was again sexually abused at 13 years old. But before this happened, there was a lot of physical and verbal abuse by a female. This made me grow up not wanting anything to do with females. I was never going to let a female overpower me again.

I had never really accepted the fact that being gay was a normal lifestyle. Even when i first realized i was gay, at 13 years old. I remember the day i became homosexual. Everything was normal that morning and afternoon, then that evening, while out with my buddies, all of a sudden i became sexually attracted to my best friend. I remember the feeling i had which lasted all through that night. I still wonder, today, where that feeling all of a sudden come from. My sexual attraction to the same sex, has never changed, since that night.


After that night i remember looking to the future wondering how i was going to survive, me being gay. I sort of turned into an angry, bad, kid, so much that once my father came right out and told me that he could never love me...which holds true today. From then on i knew i would go thru this all alone. My relationship with my mother was already nil. I would not never even let her touch me... I would soon turn to sniffing gas, which got me really sick, and then booze, which is not good, because when one is drunk, one is vulnerable, and anyone can do anything they want to you, and you can do strange things too. I quit booze, and don't do drugs, neither.

After i got a little older, i decided i wanted to try and do something about me being gay. I was raised a Catholic, and went back to church a few times, but realized there was really nothing there that could help me. The Catholic church was the reason, though, i knew about God, Jesus, and the Cross. (Click Pt 3 above)

One Sunday morning my life would change forever.

One Sunday morning i turned the TV on, and a preacher just happened to be preaching on homosexuality. I was fairly interested in what he was saying. But it was when this preacher pointed right at me and told me that homosexuality was sin, and that i would burn in Hell, that this would literally through me back against the couch. This was when i first realized that i really was a sinner on the way to Hell...and i believed this preacher.

This video portion was the very program that would change everything for me, that Sunday morning: Click here to watch

The next 8 months i lived as one who had a death sentence put on him. I tried everything i could do to find out what this Gospel was, that could save me. But it was no use, and i was going down. The Gospel, i heard being presented, wasn't saving me. You know the ones where we are told to: say the sinners prayer, turn from your sinful lifestyle (which was impossible for me), give your life to Jesus, accept Jesus into your heart, make Jesus the Lord of your life, open the door of your heart, etc. I tried doing all this kind of stuff, but i knew it wasn't saving me.
I was under heavy burden of sin, and being confused about how to be saved, and not finding salvation, i finally reached the point of suicide. I really didn't think God wanted me saved. I gave up every hope, and even though i was staring at Hell in the face, i could not live any longer like this. I didn't want to take my life, but that didn't make any difference, i had no choice but to end it all.
When the decision was made to end it all, i just happened to have a Gospel program, playing on the radio, which was on James 1:13,14,15. (Click Pt 4 above)

What God was telling me, in James 1:13,14,15, about my homosexuality?

He was telling me that it wasn't Him who had caused my homosexuality, and all my troubles, it was the Devil, in this sin cursed earth. It is the Devil throwing out the bait of homosexuality, enticing me, and it was me, who kept biting on the bait, and this was keeping me away from God. This audio is from the Gospel program i was listening to on the radio: Click here to listen

I realized that this was my way out, because, i had the choice, whether or not, to bite the bait, thrown out by the Devil. I was so overjoyed and thankful to God, for showing me this, that, right there and then, i just simply trusted Jesus Christ as Saviour, who paid my death sentence for me, on Calvary's Cross, and i was saved. That's all i had to do, was just trust Jesus. I have been saved ever since! My salvation came about one evening, and never once did i think i would ever lose my salvation. And believe me, there were times i just threw up my hands and told Jesus "i quit", but He never forsook me.

Conclusion: I really had a hard time with getting saved. I knew i believed, but i knew i wasn't saved. So, eventually i just ended up trusting Christ and Him alone, and then i felt saved, (it was a lot more dramatic then i can make it sound), but then i could never get any assurance that i was actually saved. The Gospel of John, and 1 John, gave me no assurance at all. So, for a time i just kept searching, for what i just wasn't sure. It wasn't until i met up with those preaching the Grace Gospel, and teaching "right division", when it all come together, and i never had to search anymore. All along i needed to know was that ALL my sins were forgiven at the Cross, and that i was ALREADY forgiven. If i had to ask and plead for forgiveness, like i was doing, i knew i could never be saved, or have any assurance of salvation. Christ had to do it all, for me...and all i had to do was to believe in Jesus, after putting my faith in His shed blood for all my sins...being fully persuaded, that God will do all that He says He would.

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